I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
