Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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