Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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