Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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