They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
