i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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