Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
