and you said cock pushups were impossible
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
