i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
