I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
