Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize