I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
