her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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