She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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