Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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