You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
