so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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