can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am naked and annoyed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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