I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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