We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
3 2 1 whiskey
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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