i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?