i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops