Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
