can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
4 words: hood of his car
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
