Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
