i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's always time for handjobs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
True college students do jello shots in the library
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