can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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