I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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