I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize