apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
being pregnant is like rehab
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
