Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
