What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
