Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
