you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
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now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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