Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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