ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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