Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
