just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
