Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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