also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
