There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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