If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
