I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
