I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
