Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
whose parrot is this?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
