fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
