So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
