Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
