I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
