I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
