I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize