we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
