still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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