Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
