So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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