Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n