It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.