I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
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just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
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Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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