The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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