I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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