I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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