Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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