remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
