So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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